My Cancer Journey

Posts

The hardest part comes after.

After reading what England's Princess Kate said I had to share it. We do not talk much about life after cancer treatments because we believe everyone is tired of hearing about our cancer at that point. After writing about "the long tail of chemo" many told me they did not realize the difficulties we go through even after the treatments are finished. It is not only the sometimes life long aftereffects of chemotherapy that are difficult. We are reminded every day by scars, medication, looking in the mirror, and fears when we have aches that we would normally dismiss as normal. We never completely return to our old normal. A dear friend said that, "it’s such a miracle to survive, but almost impossible to put behind us". The most difficult change for me has been how it has affected my brain. Very recently I had an experience that normally would make me laugh and go on with my day. This day however, I cried and could not make myself do anything but go back home, res...

The Long Tail of Chemo

Eleven weeks after my last infusion of Kadcyla my body still seems to think I am still receiving treatments. Some of the side effects still occur about the same time they did when I was getting treatments. They are not as severe, and do not last as long, but they happen almost like clockwork. My energy level is pretty much back to how it was pre-cancer. Sleeping has never been one of my superpowers, but it got worse when I started getting the infusions. It is sometimes difficult to fall asleep, and sleeping beyond 6:30 in the morning is late for me. Even though I try hard, my body very rarely lets me nap. The brain fog is almost gone. It feels terrific to be almost back to my normal self. Not having so much brain fog so nice, but it also means my obnoxious self comes out more frequently. Now Craig must deal with me not agreeing with him all the time again. On the good side, I am better able to control my temper. It is easier to keep myself from getting angry and frustrated. The mi...

Removal of Port!

Having the port, port-a-cath, was a good decision for me. It provided access to a vein easily so that a nurse did not have to find one every three weeks when I had my treatments. She just needed to find the port and put the needle through my skin. It had a catheter connected to it that accessed a good vein below my left collarbone. It worked perfectly. Tuesday, January 14, 2025, four weeks after my last Kadcyla treatment, my surgeon removed the purple heart, my port. The port had not hurt, or really bothered me much, but I did not want it in me any longer than I had to. If you do not use the port for infusions, you need to go to the cancer center to have it flushed with a saline solution every three months to prevent infections. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but in order to do it, the nurse needs to access it as if you are going to get an infusion. The saline solution “tastes” like they are putting a chemical in your body. It’s nasty. It doesn’t take long, but why go thro...

Mental Health

Chemotherapy is not the only source of forgetfulness and overall decline in mental health. Pretty much everything related to cancer can cause stress and poor mental health, from suspicion or diagnosis to life after treatment. I am still in the treatment phase, but hear from those who have completed theirs, that the potential of cancer returning is stressful. Especially when it is time for a checkup with the doctor. During treatments you depend on others for your physical as well as mental needs. This is not easy. Most of us want to be independent, and when you are not, it is difficult mentally. You feel very much out of control. Children who are abused learn to distance themselves psychologically to protect themselves. It is something I am familiar with. Getting treated for cancer is not abuse, but you feel out of control in both instances. I am not able to use the same technique to distance myself from the cancer. It is always with me. I cannot remove myself from it, even temporarily....

Teeth and Nails

Chemotherapy affects most of your body. It not only kills cancer cells, but also healthy ones. You notice it while going through treatment, but also long after you complete your infusions. Four months after my last chemo infusion I noticed that one of my toenails was darker. It kept getting darker until I felt it was getting loose. This picture was taken five months after my last treatment. It looked like I had dropped something on my toe, but I had not, and it did not hurt. I was mostly concerned that the nail would catch on something and get ripped off. About two months later, seven months after my last chemo infusion, the nail fell off. There was fortunately another one growing underneath. Now, two months later, about nine months after my last treatment, the nail looks normal. I’m happy to have it back. There is a nail on the other foot that looks a little darker than the others. Keeping my fingers crossed that it won’t fall off. My fingernails have always been hard and strong....

Exhaustion

Sometimes when I squeegee the glass door after showering, I have flashbacks to what it was like while I was going through the first set of chemotherapy treatments. After each infusion there were a few days when I was not physically capable of cleaning the door. If I moved at all it was very slowly. Even then I was huffing and puffing with every movement I made. This happened after each of the six treatments I received over 18 weeks. I did a lot of sitting around those days. That is not easy for me; I need to move and be busy, or I get sluggish and depressed. Fortunately I was not like this every day. Although exhausted most of the time I was able to squeegee the shower door and do other things. Some days I was able to take short and slow walks. The fatigue from chemo can last from six to twelve months after you finish the treatments. Seven weeks after the last infusion, before my energy had come back, it was time for the lumpectomy. This brought issues as well, and fatigue was one...