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Mental Health

Chemotherapy is not the only source of forgetfulness and overall decline in mental health. Pretty much everything related to cancer can cause stress and poor mental health, from suspicion or diagnosis to life after treatment.

I am still in the treatment phase, but hear from those who have completed theirs, that the potential of cancer returning is stressful. Especially when it is time for a checkup with the doctor.

During treatments you depend on others for your physical as well as mental needs. This is not easy. Most of us want to be independent, and when you are not, it is difficult mentally. You feel very much out of control.

Children who are abused learn to distance themselves psychologically to protect themselves. It is something I am familiar with. Getting treated for cancer is not abuse, but you feel out of control in both instances. I am not able to use the same technique to distance myself from the cancer. It is always with me. I cannot remove myself from it, even temporarily.

After having gone treatments for over one year, feelings of sadness and fear are rare. Forgetfulness, although much better now, is still an issue, as is difficulty concentrating. I go through cycles of not having the mental capacity to do anything. It is like going through a depression without being depressed.

These periods show up about one week after I get a Kadcyla infusion and last up to one week. It is nice to know it is temporary, so I don’t feel guilty and get depressed.

I am so looking forward to finishing the treatments in one month. I realize that it will take time for the side effects to completely go away, but just the knowledge that I am close to the finish line makes me happy.


***UPDATE June 3, 2025

Although I finished my treatments five and one half months ago my mental acuity is still fuzzy at times. Doing things I am familiar with is usually okay, but unfamiliar or newer tasks are more difficult to figure out. I sometimes still have a tough time finding words, but it is getting easier. It is frustrating trying to learn what I am supposed to do in my role as a humanitarian missionary as most of what we do is new to me. I am so grateful to have Craig with me. He is very patient and understands what he needs to do to help. 

I now have an idea of what it is like having the beginning stages of dementia, and it makes me feel even more for those who are going through it. Craig is on the other side of it, and I am sure it is not fun for him either. However, pushing myself to do new things helps immensely, and he is helping me with this. Craig and I miss our family so very much, but this mission is helping at least me in ways I did not expect, and for that I feel blessed. 



A classroom in one of the schools we are renovating.

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