My Cancer Journey

This is a topic I have been thinking about for quite some time. It is difficult to talk about, and even to think about, but I feel it needs to be discussed. Hormone blockers affect everyone differently, but most who take them experience at least some side effects. For me, the worst side effect is not the joint and bone pain or the other physical problems. It is how the brain is affected. Chemotherapy affected my brain in ways that are hard to explain. The loss of function was almost constant: I forgot words and trains of thought, couldn’t remember things I needed or wanted to do, and felt like I was in a fog most of the time. The brain fog was always there but ebbed and flowed with the timing of the infusions. I always knew when it would get worse and that it would soon get better. The effects from the hormone blocker are different. Episodes come and go without warning. They usually don’t last long but are frightening when they happen. Because the brain fog and forgetfulness have worse...

Eleven weeks after my last infusion of Kadcyla my body still seems to think I am receiving treatments. Some of the side effects still occur about the same time they did when I was getting treatments. They are not as severe, and do not last as long, but they happen almost like clockwork. My energy level is pretty much back to how it was pre-cancer. Sleeping has never been one of my superpowers, but it got worse when I started getting the infusions. It is sometimes difficult to fall asleep, and sleeping beyond 6:30 in the morning is late for me. Even though I try hard, my body very rarely lets me nap.  The brain fog is almost gone. It feels terrific to be almost back to my normal self. Not having so much brain fog so nice, but it also means my obnoxious self comes out more frequently. Now Craig must deal with me not agreeing with him all the time again. On the good side, I am better able to control my temper. It is easier to keep myself from getting angry and frustrated. The migraine...

Chemo brain is very real. It is very frustrating. You feel like you are going crazy or are senile. Because it is something that others notice more than the person having it, I asked Craig to tell me what he noticed. The regular font is what he said, and the italics are my comments. It seemed her thoughts had to traverse through mud and bog filled passageways delaying her words and movements.   This is very close to how you feel. My brain truly felt like I was working my way through a fog that did not seem to end. It took me a long time to get a point across, and there were many pauses while I tried to think of words, or even what I wanted to say. It was the same when asking questions or conversing. I could see her mind engaged yet responses and their formulation took more time. A time or two, her mind seemed to freeze up momentarily before taking on a thought or task.   My husband was very patient. It was very difficult to string sentences together, and words did not come to m...