My Cancer Journey

Chemotherapy is not the only source of forgetfulness and overall decline in mental health. Pretty much everything related to cancer can cause stress and poor mental health, from suspicion or diagnosis to life after treatment. I am still in the treatment phase, but hear from those who have completed theirs, that the potential of cancer returning is stressful. Especially when it is time for a checkup with the doctor. During treatments you depend on others for your physical as well as mental needs. This is not easy. Most of us want to be independent, and when you are not, it is difficult mentally. You feel very much out of control. Children who are abused learn to distance themselves psychologically to protect themselves. It is something I am familiar with. Getting treated for cancer is not abuse, but you feel out of control in both instances. I am not able to use the same technique to distance myself from the cancer. It is always with me. I cannot remove myself from it, even temporarily....

Chemotherapy affects most of your body. It not only kills cancer cells, but also healthy ones. You notice it while going through treatment, but also long after you complete your infusions. Four months after my last chemo infusion I noticed that one of my toenails was darker. It kept getting darker until I felt it was getting loose. This picture was taken five months after my last treatment. It looked like I had dropped something on my toe, but I had not, and it did not hurt. I was mostly concerned that the nail would catch on something and get ripped off. About two months later, seven months after my last chemo infusion, the nail fell off. There was fortunately another one growing underneath. Now, two months later, about nine months after my last treatment, the nail looks normal. I’m happy to have it back. There is a nail on the other foot that looks a little darker than the others. Keeping my fingers crossed that it won’t fall off.  My fingernails have always been hard and strong....

Sometimes when I squeegee the glass door after showering, I have flashbacks to what it was like while I was going through the first set of chemotherapy treatments. After each infusion there were a few days when I was not physically capable of cleaning the door. If I moved at all it was very slowly. Even then I was huffing and puffing with every movement I made. This happened after each of the six treatments I received over 18 weeks. I did a lot of sitting around those days. That is not easy for me; I need to move and be busy, or I get sluggish and depressed. Fortunately I was not like this every day. Although exhausted most of the time I was able to squeegee the shower door and do other things. Some days I was able to take short and slow walks. The fatigue from chemo can last from six to twelve months after you finish the treatments.  Seven weeks after the last infusion, before my energy had come back, it was time for the lumpectomy. This brought issues as well, and fatigue was one...

Steroids are helpful. They relieved some of the side effects from chemotherapy, and helped treat the pneumonitis that was caused by the radiation. Some get aggressive when taking them. This was not the case with me, but I did get frustrated more easily. It is not fun feeling out of control, especially when you are a control freak like me. It was not easy, but I was able to control my frustrations most of the time. Knowing it is drug induced and therefore most likely not the effect from what someone said or did helps. You cannot walk around being angry or frustrated with people who really haven’t done anything to deserve it. My first experience with taking steroids was the pre-med for the chemotherapy. I took 8 mg of Dexamethasone per day the day before, day of, and the day after the infusions. My cheeks looked like they belonged on a chipmunk, and my face was round and ruddy.  The infusions were every three weeks. By the time my face started looking more normal it was time for anot...

Supporting Friends with Cancer Some of us are fortunate to have a spouse, other family, or a close friend to help and support during our cancer journey and struggles. I am blessed with a kind husband who loves me and is concerned about my wellbeing. He cooks and cleans, takes me to infusions and other medical appointments, and does whatever else is needed. Our children, siblings, and friends have all been fantastic. They check in to make sure we are both okay, send sweet cards and messages and gifts that are helpful and bring up my spirit. I have not lacked. Maybe this is why it hurts my heart so much when I read about how some women in my support groups are treated by those who are supposed to love them. I am amazed at how many husbands and boyfriends leave them while they are going through treatments. It does not seem to matter how old the woman is. There are some that have young children as well as grandmothers who have been married many years. Their spouse either claim they cannot ...

I had built up my stamina to walk about three miles most days and was excited to be able to slow jog for part of those miles June 20 and 24. That was unfortunately the only days I was able to do this. June 26 the headache and cough got much worse. I took the maximum allowed on the packages of Excedrin Migraine, Tylenol, and cough syrup each day. They helped, but I was still exhausted, got out of breath whenever I moved, coughed whenever I moved or talked, and the headache was almost constant.    Tuesday, July 2, I saw my oncologist in preparation for Kadcyla infusion 6 or 14. She was concerned about the cough and sent me to get a chest x-ray after the infusion. Cough and headaches are side effects of Kadcyla but should not last the full three weeks in between the infusions. What concerned her most was that the worst week was the one just prior to the infusion. This is when I should have been better.    The x-ray showed I might have pneumonitis. Had to look this up - ...

Craig and I had our two teen granddaughters stay with us for one week, and the four of us were on a day trip when my General Practitioner called and told me about the results from the biopsy. The call came much sooner than I anticipated. I had been open with our children about the potential of cancer and left it up to them if they wanted to tell their children (then ages less than one to 20) or not. They all told their children. This made it easier when my doctor called as it was not a complete surprise for the girls that were visiting. It can be difficult to decide if it is better to tell children or not, but I am a firm believer in not keeping those kinds of secrets. It will come out eventually, and there might be hard feelings then.  Here are my granddaughters’ thoughts from that day (I am Farmor) -  E: “When my Farmor answered the phone and stopped in her tracks, I knew it was bad news. My sister and I stopped a little ahead, trying not to eavesdrop. We walked into the res...